Your Coaching Resource

Master the Art of Giving & Receiving Feedback

A complete coaching toolkit drawn from evidence-based frameworks to help individuals and teams communicate more effectively.

7+

Feedback Frameworks

13

Effectiveness Principles

42

Appreciation Messages

10

Quiz Scenarios

What is feedback?

The Foundation

Feedback is information about the past, given in the present, with the goal of influencing behaviour or performance in the future. It is information we are constantly giving or receiving — whether we intend to or not.

— Spearhead Leadership Framework

Feedback IS

✅ Information about observable behaviour
✅ A two-way dialogue, not a monologue
✅ Timely — given as soon as appropriate
✅ A tool for growth and development
✅ Owned by the sender using "I" statements
✅ Directed at changeable behaviour

Feedback is NOT

❌ Coaching (which is a broader relationship)
❌ Criticism without solutions
❌ Evaluative or judgmental statements
❌ "Gunny-sacking" — saving up and dumping
❌ Indirect or ricochetted through others
❌ Advice given without being asked

The 90/10 Principle

Your Mindset Matters

10% is what happens to you. 90% is how you react to it.

👂

Listen Deeply

Receive feedback as information, not as a personal attack. Hear what is actually being said.

🔍

Ask for Clarity

Ask questions to fully understand the feedback before reacting or responding defensively.

🤝

Acknowledge & Act

Summarize what you heard and commit to actionable next steps that demonstrate reflection.

Ready to dive deeper?

Module 1

Giving Effective Feedback

The principles, do's and don'ts, and a pre-flight checklist before your next conversation.

Principles 1–5

1

Align on the receiver's goal

Offer feedback geared towards something the receiver actually wants to improve.

"Since you're working on your presentation skills, I'd love to give you feedback that can help you reach your goal."

2

Emphasize strengths, not shortcomings

Focus on what the receiver can do more of. Strengths-based language is empowering and motivating.

"You excel in X — how can we build on that to improve in this area?"

3

Be concrete and specific

Give feedback on observable behaviour, not vague generalizations. Clarity makes feedback actionable.

"I noticed you fumbling during the middle of your presentation last Thursday — did you notice this?"

4

Express constructive motives

Establish trust by making your positive intention clear before delivering feedback.

"My intention is to help you reach your goal — not to criticize, but to support you."

5

Be authentic and vulnerable

Be clear about why a specific behaviour affected you. Goal is resolution, not judgment.

"This might be difficult to hear, but I care about our working relationship, which is why I'm raising this."

Principles 6–10

6

Own your observations with "I" statements

Use "I" statements to own that feedback stems from your perception, not objective fact.

"When I saw things move slower than planned, I felt anxious — I believe we could manage things differently."

7

Time it for readiness

Ensure both parties are ready. You never know someone's state of mind — give them the choice.

"I have some feedback to share — is this a good moment for us to talk?"

8

Direct it at changeable behaviour

Focus on what people do, not who they are. People can improve behaviours; personality is harder to change.

"When you interrupt me I feel unheard" — not "You are rude when you interrupt me."

9

Check for understanding

Ask the receiver to explain it back to you. They may create alternate meaning from your words.

"How is this landing with you? Is my example clear? Can you share what you understand from this?"

10

Validate with others when uncertain

If unsure how to process feedback, check it with a trusted colleague for perspective.

"I've received feedback that I can be long-winded. Have you noticed this in our interactions?"

✅ Feedback Do's

✓Be aware of body language — it's a powerful non-verbal communicator

✓Be specific when recalling the situation and describing the behaviour

✓Acknowledge the impact of the behaviour on you personally

✓Make it positive — frame constructively, not as punishment

✓Make it only about the observable behaviour, never about the person

✓Deliver in private — even praise is often better one-on-one

✓Give it as soon as appropriate after the behaviour occurs

✓Ensure it's actionable — refer to behaviours the receiver can actually change

✓End on a positive note and express genuine appreciation

❌ Feedback Don'ts

✗Don't assume — check your interpretation before declaring intent

✗Don't judge the person — judge the observable behaviour only

✗Don't be vague — "You need to do better" leaves people confused

✗Don't pass along vague or second-hand feedback from others

✗Don't give unsolicited advice — clarify your role first

✗Don't wait for quarterly reviews — address issues as they arise

✗Don't "gunny-sack" — save up grievances to ambush later

✗Don't transfer ownership to "management" or "everyone" — own your feedback

✗Don't use questions that are really traps: "How many times have you been late?"

Effective vs. Ineffective: Side by Side

✅ Effective Feedback	❌ Ineffective Feedback
Describes the behaviour: "You are finishing my sentences for me..."	Uses evaluative/judgmental statements: "You're being rude" or "You're trying to control the conversation."
Comes as soon as appropriate — immediately if possible, later if you need to cool down	Is delayed, saved up, and "dumped." Also known as "gunny-sacking." Induces guilt and anger.
Is direct, from sender to receiver	Indirect; ricochetted ("Tom, how do you feel when Jim does X?") — also known as "let you and him fight."
Is "owned" by the sender using "I" statements: "I get frustrated when..."	Ownership is transferred to "people," "the book," "upper management," "everybody."
Includes sender's real feelings: "I get frustrated when I'm trying to make a point and you keep finishing my sentences."	Feelings are concealed, denied, or misrepresented. Smuggled in through sarcasm or sulking.
Specifies consequences: "When you finish my sentences, I feel frustrated and want to stop talking with you."	Provides vague consequences: "That kind of behaviour is going to get you into trouble."
Affirms the receiver's worth and right to have the reactions they have	Denies or discounts the receiver: "Oh, you're just being paranoid." "You're over-reacting."

For feedback to be effective, it must be given in the right spirit and with a goal of helping the person develop. Check these pre-conditions before beginning your conversation. Click each item to mark it complete.

I have a relationship of trust and mutual respect with this person.

My goal in giving this feedback is to help them develop and improve.

I have reflected on my own biases, personal preferences and judgments.

I have offered to give feedback, and my offer has been accepted.

The timing is appropriate — this is not a rushed moment.

The location is private and free from interruptions.

I am in the right frame of mind for a two-way dialogue.

The receiver appears to be in the right frame of mind and is ready.

I have identified the specific, observable behaviour I want to address.

I have concrete examples ready to illustrate my point.

I plan to use "I" statements rather than "you always" or "you never."

I am prepared to listen as much as I speak — this is a dialogue.

0 of 12 complete

1

Pay it forward

Give constructive feedback thoughtfully. If done with care and good intention, it improves their work, boosts productivity, and leaves them with skills for their career. The ripple effect is powerful.

2

Be very specific

General comments like "Your work needs improvement" leave employees confused. Be specific: "You're reporting on 20 KPIs and I'd like you to build towards 30 so we have complete data for decisions."

3

Don't wait for reviews

Nip issues in the bud as they occur. Left unsaid, problems multiply. By a quarterly review, you're facing issues that could have been avoided. Daily or weekly feedback keeps things current.

4

Make it one-on-one

Never criticize publicly. Even praise can be better delivered privately. Consider a relaxed, less formal setting — a walk or a coffee meeting encourages open, two-way communication.

5

End on a positive note

Raise the problem early in the conversation so words of encouragement at the end are not overshadowed. Always let them know how much you appreciate them and their contribution.

6

Use the 3×3 method

Provide 3 strengths and 3 areas for development. Three pieces of feedback at a time allows people to make course corrections — like a guided missile. Any more and it's overwhelming.

7

Focus on performance, not personality

"When you interrupt me in front of a client it causes a problem" is more actionable than "Your arrogance is causing a problem." One is about a behaviour; the other attacks who they are.

8

Focus on individual efforts

In team-oriented workplaces, it's harder to measure individual performance. Make the extra effort to recognize specific contributions — people need to feel their individual work is seen and valued.

9

Feedback goes both ways

Give employees the opportunity to speak in your meeting or follow up afterwards. Ask: "How is this landing with you? What's your perspective on this situation?"

10

Ask clarifying questions

When feedback leads to roadblocks or ideas: "What do you think is the best way to implement this?" and "What resources do you need to make this happen?" show you care and invite collaboration.

11

Create sacred space

Don't rush feedback in passing. A hurried, five-minute desk drop-in creates a conversation that lacks privacy and disconnects you from the person. Protect the time and environment.

12

Turn words into action

If a big issue comes up, schedule a proper meeting: "Thanks for sharing — I'd love to learn more. How about coffee next Tuesday?" Then get clear on actionable next steps together.

Module 2

Receiving Feedback Gracefully

Receiving feedback well is a skill — one that can be practiced, improved, and modelled for your team.

Feedback devices merely provide us with information. We fear information that disconfirms our "OK-ness" — and we are afraid of feedback because we lack the skills related to sending and receiving it. But when we can let it in and effectively use it, feedback has great value.

👁

Summarize what you heard

Reflect the feedback back in your own words. This confirms understanding and shows the giver they were heard. Use language similar to theirs — it demonstrates active listening and respect.

🔎

Ask deeper questions

Ask questions that demonstrate you understood and want to dig further — not just surface-level clarifications. "Can you share a specific example?" "What would you have preferred instead?"

🧠

Show genuine self-reflection

Process the feedback visibly. Nod, pause to think, or say "That's useful to hear — I hadn't considered that perspective." Observers should be able to see you thinking and integrating the input.

📋

Commit to specific next steps

Rather than vague agreement ("I'll try to do better"), commit to observable, actionable steps: "I'll prepare a one-page agenda before our next meeting and share it 24 hours in advance."

🛡

Resist defensiveness

Defensiveness — instead of dealing with feedback as useful information — causes us to reject data that has great value. Try to hear the intent behind the words, not just the words themselves.

🙏

Be grateful

Giving feedback isn't easy. Acknowledge the effort it took for someone to be honest with you. Thank them — even if the feedback stings — because it means they care enough to invest in your growth.

Soliciting Feedback

How to Ask for Feedback Effectively

Asking for feedback can be as difficult as giving it. Phrase your needs clearly and be specific.

Option 1 — Specific skill

"I would like some feedback on my ability to [name a specific behaviour or skill]."

Option 2 — What's working

"I'd like feedback on something I do that serves the team well. What would you like to see me do more of?"

Option 3 — Challenge me

"What do you need to tell me that is important but might be difficult for me to hear? What am I doing too much of?"

The 5:1 Feedback Ratio

For every piece of constructive or negative feedback, aim to give five positive feedbacks. This is based on research showing that positive reinforcement can often be more effective than negative reinforcement. It also builds the psychological safety needed to hear critical feedback without shutting down.

:

5 positive : 1 constructive

Module 3

Feedback Frameworks

Choose the right structure for your situation. Each framework has a different strength.

SBI

Situation — Behaviour — Impact

The most widely used framework. Focuses purely on observable data and its effects.

S

Situation

Describe the specific situation when the observed behaviour occurred.

"During yesterday's team meeting..."

B

Behaviour

Describe the observable behaviour — no evaluation or interpretation.

"...I noticed that you took over the conversation multiple times..."

I

Impact

Share the effect the behaviour had on you, others, or the task.

"...which made some team members feel unable to share their ideas."

SIP

Situation — Impact — Pull

Best for real-time, quick feedback. A dialogue — not a monologue. Expect a short discussion.

S

Situation

Just the facts — here's what I saw.

"In our client meeting today, I noticed you hadn't reviewed the brief beforehand..."

I

Impact

Here's how I feel, or how it seemed to impact others.

"...and the client seemed frustrated by the gaps in our responses..."

P

Pull

Pull for their perspective — invite dialogue.

"...what's your take on what happened, and what would help next time?"

3Ps

Praise — Problem — Potential

Start positive, address the concern, close with potential. Great for performance conversations.

P

Praise

Begin by acknowledging the positive.

"Your presentation was detailed and showed a deep understanding of the topic."

P

Problem

Share the observed issue or area of concern.

"However, it ran longer than the allotted time, which left no room for questions."

P

Potential

Suggest a future state if the issue is addressed.

"If you condense the key points and allow time for interaction, your future presentations will be even more impactful."

HEAR

Harvard's HEAR Framework

Most effective when each component is genuine — to truly listen, understand, and engage in a productive conversation.

H

Hedge your claims

Soften certainty to keep dialogue open.

"As far as I understand..."

E

Emphasize agreement

Find common ground before the difference.

"We're on the same page about..."

A

Acknowledge the other side's argument

Validate their viewpoint before responding.

"I hadn't considered that perspective..."

R

Reframe to the positive

Pivot toward solutions and possibilities.

"Building on what you've said, a solution could be..."

6-STEP

Goldsmith's 6-Step Structure

A comprehensive structure for deeper performance and development conversations.

1

Where are we going?

Describe the team's vision and expectations — establish shared direction.

2

Where are you going?

Explore the individual's direction and where they see themselves heading.

3

What is going well?

Recognize achievements and ask what they feel they're doing well.

4

Where can we improve?

Offer constructive, future-focused suggestions.

5

How can I help you?

Focus on adding value and support — not interfering or imposing.

6

How can you help me?

Invite them to reflect on how you can both improve the working relationship.

WFB

When / I Feel / Because

A simple, emotionally honest framework that keeps feedback grounded in personal experience — not judgment.

W

When you...

Describe behaviour based on your direct observation — factual and specific.

"When you send messages in the group chat that contradict what we agreed in the meeting..."

F

I feel...

Emotional reaction — your authentic response.

"...I feel confused and undermined..."

B

Because...

The story you're telling yourself — with self-disclosure and accountability.

"...because I'm telling myself that we're not aligned as a team, and I think we need to revisit our communication process."

Interactive Tool

Feedback Builder

Craft your feedback message using the SBI or When/Feel/Because framework. Fill in the fields and generate a ready-to-use message.

S

Situation

When and where did the behaviour occur? Be specific.

B

Behaviour

What specific, observable behaviour did you notice? No judgments — just facts.

I

Impact

What was the effect on you, others, or the task?

+

Optional: What do you need or suggest?

A next step, request, or question to invite dialogue.

Module 5

Appreciation Notes

42 thoughtful messages to recognize, motivate, and celebrate the people on your team. Click any note to copy it.

Practice

Feedback Scenarios Quiz

Test your knowledge with realistic scenarios. Apply what you've learned from the frameworks.

Question 1 of 10

Score: 0